I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
