You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
