I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
