She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
