He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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