glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
