yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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