Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
