WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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