Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
