Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
