Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
