My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
