Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
