Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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