so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
