Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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