I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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