Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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