He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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