Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dicks are not precious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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