There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
