Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
