Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
