I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I AM VODKA MAN
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
