Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize