"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
