You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
