i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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