i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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