So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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