He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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