you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
