Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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