..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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