Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Boobs are out for the taking
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
