i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
