How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
