Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
