Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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