Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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