Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
