Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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