I haven't been this sober since birth.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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