my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
