two words: eviction party
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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