so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize