Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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