I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
