just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize