you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize