She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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