Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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