Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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