roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
