cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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