I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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