Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
