Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
