apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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