I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
