The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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