We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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