I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
