My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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