Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
