I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
