Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You need a sexual gate keeper
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
