totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
