I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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