He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
