I haven't been this sober since birth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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