i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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