i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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