so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
