new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
